Can't stop
by ATTHESTROKEOFMIDNIGHT
Summary: He use to come and complain to me about you and I would listen and smile and pretend that my heart wasn't breaking when I saw how much he loved you. Usuk.
1. Chapter 1

Summer, 1973

* * *

I remember the dingy jade carpets and the maroon corduroy couch couch with many miscellaneous stains on it.

I remembered the fish tank, void of fish and filled to the brim with fresh water, and the way Francis would sit on the far side of the couch with his arm flung over the arm rest, smoking a cigarette, and how every thing was the same every day I decided to stop by the house. I also remember the fact that Francis was twenty, and most twenty year men had friends. This particular French man, sporting flowery semi braided hair had exactly one. His name was Arthur, he was bitter and had shaggy blond hair, snake bites, a tongue piercing, an eyebrow piercing (unusually bushy brows), and gauges. The look was almost the complete opposite of Francis's, but the disheveled look of desperation was there all the same. The bickered constantly.

It was not until mid July that I realized that I had fallen in love with him.

I was 15

I supposed that I knew...I had to know, that nothing would ever come between us, how laughable it is that I used to play scenarios in my head of how he would gaze into my eyes and um...well you get the picture.

The worst part was I could tell how inseparable they were.

Which is why I was very confused when I found a familiar voice saying my name, something that I had never experienced, as I sat on the floor of Francis's apartment.

I was sure that I'd miss heard, I looked up, searching for any sign of Francis, he was gone.

In his place, sprawled out on the couch, laying side ways, was Arthur. "Alfred, love, would you mind coming here for a moment?". I nodded dumbly before making my way to the couch. He sat up, and I sat cross legged across from him.

"Would it be okay...if I vented to you?, I just have no one else right now, the person I usually do this with is the one I need to talk about".

Francis. Oh.

"Yeah" I responded lamely.

So I listened to him talk about his frustration with the French man and I folded my glasses and I set them on the coffee table, and he talked and talked, and the more that he did so, the more I realized how in love with Francis he was, and how in love with him I was.

"I'm...I'm sorry that you had to hear all that, gosh, and you're only 15" he said at the end of the vent. I sent him a quizzical look, because I didn't mind, I actually liked it more than I'd admit, just hearing his voice made me heart flutter...I sound like a princess but it's true...it all true.

He stared at me and I gave him a crooked smile and rested my hand on his shoulder. Suddenly the mood changed. He didn't say much, which was new, but the few choice words were all I needed. " Ah forget him". He stared at me and smiled sweetly. I felt my cheeks heat up. He stood up and beckoned me to follow him.

I was taller than him.

Such irrelevant things that I notice now.

Anyways, I remember that we had sex. And that he was gentle, and I felt wanted...**_needed_**. And how beautiful he was. I also remember how his smile faded as reality came weighing down on him. And how he sat in the mattress with his feet on the rug, and the sheet wrapped around mid section.

"Shit kid, **_shit_**" he mumbled through the side of his mouth as a spliff lay at the other. I watched the tears roll down his cheek and I new nothing that just happened mattered. At least not to him. I laughed in my head at myself as I walked out of the room, my eyes stinging, but no tears falling. I couldn't believe how **_stupid_** I'd been. And how stupid I was. And how stupid I still am. Because I am still stupid and I am still in love with Arthur Kirkland.


	2. Chapter 2

Spring, 1990

* * *

My car crashed. The brakes had stopped working. I got out of my car as I spotted a strangely familiar couple. One was on his knees, other standing in disbelief, staring at the gold band and shaking his head 'yes' rapidly . I knit my eyebrows in confusion as I approached, deciding "Why not wish the happy couple good merits?".

I kinda wish that I'd died in that crash, and never approached that couple.

Nah.

I straightened my glasses as I approached the man shoulder length blond, well kept hair, sporting a blue dress shirt.

"Congratulations, I over hear-"

"Mon dieu...Alfred?"

"Francis. Oh. Hi, I'm just going to go back a-"

"Non, come on, I'll take you cake shopping, that why we originally came here! And then he popped the question! Can you believe it?" He smiled softer and sweeter than I had very seen him smile as he tugged me into the store.

"Who?" I didn't have the opportunity to make acquaintances with Francis's new fiancé.

"Arthur! You remember him, right? He just hurried back to our house to prepare for me something..._**hopefully not food**_" he laughed weakly.

My face fell. He noticed.

"Hey Alfred, you never did tell me why it was that you stopped coming over, I haven't seen you since...wow!, August...'73?, you've grown up so much!".

I stared at him in disbelief.

So Arthur **_hadn't_** told him. I mean, he probably hadn't remembered, s' not like it was an important event in Arthur's life. A Pity fuck? A sex to calm the sads? Whatever you call it.

"I don't really think that I can tell you now"

He raised an eyebrow "Come now, you can tell me, Cher, what's the reason, why can't you tell me **_now_**? You**_ know_** I do like a good story".

"The reason is your fiancé!...I'm sorry. I don't believe that you would enjoy this particular story." He stared at me, picked a cake, payed, and ushered me over to a table in the shop by a window.

"Tell me Alfred...it must be important to you if it's the reason that an uncle hasn't seen his nephew in over 20 years."

I stared at him in disbelief until realizing that he was waiting for me to speak.

So I started from the beginning.

"When I was 15, in the middle of July, I fell in love with Arthur. At the end the month he approached me and asked if we could talk."

Francis stared at me and I went on.

"He use to come and complain to me about you and I would listen and smile and pretend that my heart wasn't breaking when I saw how much he loved you." I smiled sadly

"Francis...he took me virginity".

He stared at me in disbelief

"And it was...**_nothing_**" I finished.

I smiled weakly and tried to chuckle, but it came out as a sob. I found his arms around me before I knew what was going on.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I have? **_Why_** would I have?"

"I don't know... I love you...I'm sorry...I was suppose to be there for you, but all I did was chain smoke, sulk, and make daisy chains" I smiled at that

"It's okay, I know"

He knit his eye brows and stared at me.

"What happened to you?"

I knew he meant what happened after I left, but he also knew that that was a conversation for another time.

"Well I almost died...so I'm in town until AAA comes, haha my cars breaks went out and I went of cliff into the fields" I said nonchalantly. His eyes widened

"Don't worry, I'm fine, been through much worse...**_believe me_**."

His eyes questioned and I shook my head.

He dropped it.

We sat there for a few more seconds before leaving and Francis insisting that I make amends with Arthur.


End file.
